going under the knife
Tomorrow is the big day- my "Total Thyroidectomy". Bruce Willis couldn't do a movie with as much of a zing in the title, and there wont be a sequel.
I've been flooded with calls and good thoughts and I go into this feeling very, very loved. Even people who only knew about the op in passing weeks ago remembered the date. I'm humbled and touched by their thoughtfulness.
My mum's here, and so is Khadi, and I'm glad they are. Geoff's coming in on the night bus and I'm really glad he didn't pay heed to my protestations. My sister sends her love from the salt flats en route to Brasil. My dad and brother have been incredibly supportive. Ariadne, David, Jack, Michael, Anisa, Des, Karen, Melanie, Linh... Tony giving me a few inches of slack and a lot of spine at our morning workouts. I've pushed a lot of people away too so that I could have space, please don't hold that against me. People who knew me growing up, people who I thought hardly knew me, they've all been incredibly supportive. It feels like an Oscar speech. I'm missing names, lots of names, in the rush of this blog post- people I'm indebted to.
I can be a drama queen, and I have. I've forced all those around me to not express emotion and cheated them of that outlet so that I could focus my own. I've kept this a secret so that I could coast in a necessary realm of denial. In truth, I cannot do anything, only the surgeon can. My exaggerated calm is my lifeboat right now.
This isn't supposed to be risky. This is supposed to be simple. As cancers go, if one could choose, I have the best one, and it's rare to ;-)
But I'm very aware right now of my mortality... I'm cognizant of the fact that there is a chance that I may not be here at this hour tomorrow. Aware that the years in my life have a number, however small or big. I do not have to wait for this to pass to realise how important all of you who read this are to me. I do not have to wake up after my surgery to know what I have yet to do before my time is up. I do not need to wait to tell the people I love that I love them, and I shall not- now, or ever again.
My voice will be different when this is done, and my agent's beaten Whitney's to a record deal for me already. Stay tuned...
I've been flooded with calls and good thoughts and I go into this feeling very, very loved. Even people who only knew about the op in passing weeks ago remembered the date. I'm humbled and touched by their thoughtfulness.
My mum's here, and so is Khadi, and I'm glad they are. Geoff's coming in on the night bus and I'm really glad he didn't pay heed to my protestations. My sister sends her love from the salt flats en route to Brasil. My dad and brother have been incredibly supportive. Ariadne, David, Jack, Michael, Anisa, Des, Karen, Melanie, Linh... Tony giving me a few inches of slack and a lot of spine at our morning workouts. I've pushed a lot of people away too so that I could have space, please don't hold that against me. People who knew me growing up, people who I thought hardly knew me, they've all been incredibly supportive. It feels like an Oscar speech. I'm missing names, lots of names, in the rush of this blog post- people I'm indebted to.
I can be a drama queen, and I have. I've forced all those around me to not express emotion and cheated them of that outlet so that I could focus my own. I've kept this a secret so that I could coast in a necessary realm of denial. In truth, I cannot do anything, only the surgeon can. My exaggerated calm is my lifeboat right now.
This isn't supposed to be risky. This is supposed to be simple. As cancers go, if one could choose, I have the best one, and it's rare to ;-)
But I'm very aware right now of my mortality... I'm cognizant of the fact that there is a chance that I may not be here at this hour tomorrow. Aware that the years in my life have a number, however small or big. I do not have to wait for this to pass to realise how important all of you who read this are to me. I do not have to wake up after my surgery to know what I have yet to do before my time is up. I do not need to wait to tell the people I love that I love them, and I shall not- now, or ever again.
My voice will be different when this is done, and my agent's beaten Whitney's to a record deal for me already. Stay tuned...
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