feeling loved...
I'm saving voicemails, cards, emails... I feel loved. I've never doubted that, nor have I ever counted it, lest I take it for granted, but in these trying times, the faith that people have in me, the genuine support and love I've received, have amazed me.
It's true, I've kept all of this a secret, as best I can. As I said in an earlier post, it wasn't to hide the truth, but to save myself the task of constantly explaining it. If you asked, I shared, and only just, but not otherwise. I'm exhausted from the medical jargon and minutiae I've been thrust into, and I crave the normalcy I had just a month ago, so that I can focus on living life, and not resenting it.
I am nothing without the lives that intersect mine. When I do have to go, as we all must, I will not be remembered for what I take with me, but for what I leave behind. It will be about what I've shared, tough and easy times, laughs, good solid cries... you've all held me to higher standards when the lower rungs of a ladder looked so tempting, you've all expected more from me when I mediocrity offered an easier way, you've all loved me unconditionally when I know I could have hated myself, and you've never given up on me, and I'm not going to do that either.
If I could, I'd have had all of you at every doctor's appointment, every biopsy, every needle prick, every form I had to fill... and you were all there, even if you didn't know it. Dr A says I have at least 50 years ahead of me if I want them. Consider yourselves warned, I'm not going anywhere...
I love you all.
It's true, I've kept all of this a secret, as best I can. As I said in an earlier post, it wasn't to hide the truth, but to save myself the task of constantly explaining it. If you asked, I shared, and only just, but not otherwise. I'm exhausted from the medical jargon and minutiae I've been thrust into, and I crave the normalcy I had just a month ago, so that I can focus on living life, and not resenting it.
I am nothing without the lives that intersect mine. When I do have to go, as we all must, I will not be remembered for what I take with me, but for what I leave behind. It will be about what I've shared, tough and easy times, laughs, good solid cries... you've all held me to higher standards when the lower rungs of a ladder looked so tempting, you've all expected more from me when I mediocrity offered an easier way, you've all loved me unconditionally when I know I could have hated myself, and you've never given up on me, and I'm not going to do that either.
If I could, I'd have had all of you at every doctor's appointment, every biopsy, every needle prick, every form I had to fill... and you were all there, even if you didn't know it. Dr A says I have at least 50 years ahead of me if I want them. Consider yourselves warned, I'm not going anywhere...
I love you all.
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