my romantic tryst with cancer

I woke up in the wee hours of the morning, terribly, terribly frightened. Unlike most of my dreams that have a fantastical plot in play, this one was bereft of any story. Just dread, just fear. I put myself back to sleep, I've gotten good at that. My mortality is very present these days. Two weeks from now I may not be on this chair outside the Hart House, basking in the gentle dawn as the city crawls up to its regular, banal pace. Two weeks from now I may not be here... but for now I'm trying to be present, trying to be here, enjoying my health, my relationships, my life, every placid moment of these...

Becoming a statistic has never been easier. When they found the 'growths' on my thyroid, I was told that barely 3-5% of them are ever cancerous. Of course, you hope you're part of that lumpy 95-97% and go home and sleep well. Lo and behold, when my biopsy results came back, I was part of that 3-5%. Now they tell me that 95% of those who test positive will be fully cured and live their normal life spans. I have my fingers crossed that I will not be that poor f***er who was the 3% of the 3% of the 3% who had to die that year to make the numbers work! I've never felt more important...

It started with a cold a few months ago. Perhaps the kind kids bring home from their daycare to their parents to carry back to the office. Perhaps something more virulent that birds carry over distances. But still, a cold... Vainly (and unashamedly at that), it was the double chin I noticed in my recent pictures that set the alarm bells ringing. "I've gotten fat, look at these pictures" I complained, early and often to the very patient G. In true cherubic form, he'd disagree. But when the ache that I woke up with each morning did not dissipate, I decided to go to the doctor. My own GP Dr D prescribed heartburn medication. The second GP Dr S at the clinic in my office building told me I was talking too much, which wasn't an impossible diagnosis. A return visit to my own GP Dr D had him prescribing an anti-fungal mouthwash to deal with the problem. After two more months of knowing that there was definitely something more happening, I chanced a visit to the walk-