my romantic tryst with cancer

on my fridge door A selection of Maya Angelou's quotes, collated by The Guardian . "Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option." "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain." "There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you." "I do not trust people who don't love themselves and yet tell me, 'I love you.' There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt." "We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty." "You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them." "My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style." "Try to be a rainbo

I just got back from a screening of the film adaptation of The Normal Heart I'm staggered, by how we (as in people) can let so much come in the way of something as simple and honest as love. The purity of grief, the honesty of tears, the willingness to love. We are our worst enemies, just as we are our best friends. I'm sitting with these feelings. Aware of age, of time, of stories that are being told, and of my own. This will have to hold them for tonight....

There is a dance at water’s edge, a movement between the lake, its sand and the horizon where lake becomes cloud. Between those lines our world’s a thin wash of muted tones, beige and gray with a hint of white, almost abstract, until the dancer steps out into the pool. She makes the whole thing real. - Keith Taylor in  after James McNeill Whistler, 1865

Wherever a lamp goes it sheds its light. Wherever a flower goes it sheds its fragrance. So also spread your love wherever you go. Try to live your life like that. Just love. Wherever you go, just spread your love. Just keep your candle of love going. Wherever you find a candle unlit,light it up. Get it going everywhere. There's no other way than that. Remember this principle. Hold on to this principle. All answers lie with love. Suffering is all that's left after losing love. - Swami Kripalu

"Our Deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same." - Marianne Williamson (Shared with me by Ryan A)

Read Lighthousekeeping -- yet another one of Jeanette Winterson's wonderful books and wanted to share a few excerpts from it that moved me. I try not to seek out her books, so that from time to time I might chance on them, and always feel like I haven't yet read them all. "Try and put your finger on the solid thing and it scattered into separate worlds." "... this past would have to be dragged into the future, because the present had buckled under me, like a badly made chair." "... a man may know himself, but he prides himself on his character, his integrity -- the word says it all -- integrity -- we use it to mean virtue, but it means wholeness too, and which of us is that?" "He doubted her. You must never doubt the one you love. But they might not be telling you the truth. Never mind that. You tell them the truth. What do you mean? You can't be another person's honesty, child, but you can be your own. So w

The sun is in the sky in LA, and have just read excerpts from Alan Watts' meditations on being present. Sitting here in a ubiquitous Starbucks, very much present and at peace (or what passes for it), I want to share one of those excerpts.  "To put it still more plainly: the desire for security and the feeling of insecurity are the same thing. To hold your breath is to lose your breath. A society based on the quest for security is nothing but a breath-retention contest in which everyone is as taut as a drum and as purple as a beet."

As I sit here, trying to mediate instead of just letting go, I can hear a million hearts across the world break even while they heal. Winter arrived a long time ago, but it takes a brush with ice for the skin to know it's here. This bus trundles on, and all of us, strangers to each other, watch the world pass us by, all unaware that we share more than we don't...

I never saw so sweet a face As that I stood before. My heart has left its dwelling-place And can return no more. - John Clare

So much of who we are, is about what we've experienced, and who we've experienced it with. In every partnership, in every relationship, we must acknowledge that there are always more than the two of us in the room. Standing around us, are the ghosts of those that have come before-- the ghosts of those who have hurt us, who have loved us, those who we have made plans with and those who disappointed us, those who are no more, and those who still survive. Those who have touched us in ways we only know later on in life in a moment of apparent happiness, surprise or grief. We need to recognise those ghosts in the room. We need to hear their voices lest we forget ourselves, but also put them at the distance that they belong so that we might know ourselves. And then patiently remind ourselves, that sometimes, that most times, it isn't about the person you are sitting across from, the person you are loving or wondering if you love, or holding or lying with, or talking to or