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Showing posts from August, 2015

Abeyance

 By Rebecca Faust letter to my transgender daughter I made soup tonight, with cabbage, chard and thyme picked outside our back door. For this moment the room is warm and light, and I can presume you safe somewhere. I know the night lives inside you. I know grave, sad errors were made, dividing you, and hiding you from you inside. I know a girl like you was knifed last week, another set aflame. I know I lack the words, or all the words I say are wrong. I know I’ll call and you won’t answer, and still I’ll call. I want to tell you you were loved with all I had, recklessly, and with abandon, loved the way the cabbage in my garden near-inverts itself, splayed to catch each last ray of sun. And how the feeling furling-in only makes the heart more dense and green. Tonight it seems like something one could bear. Guess what, Dad and I finally figured out Pandora, and after all those years of silence, our old music fills the air. It fills the air, and somehow, here

Qualifying regret

I'm sorry if I caused confusion. Yes, everything is OK. The regret was about missing the flexibility the old job gave me to be where I was, when I wanted, which is impossible now with days just filled with meetings. I missed being able to play with the kittens, sleep in with D. But I don't miss the anxiety and bullying and intimidation at the University. As dysfunctional as the public service may seem at times, it matters that you're not alone in it, and it isn't personal... I know I made the right move. It's a forward in life, not work. No regrets, just this temporary tinge, and then it passed...

On regret

"A tinge is to be expected. There are few decisions that come completely cleanly - most have pros & cons. Important thing is to learn from past & look ahead ." Shared with me by J Aloisi this unsettling morning.